I very rarely talk about myself in this Blog. There’s a really good reason for that; I hate it. When I was younger it was all I’d ever do and frankly you wouldn’t have liked me back then. I was a bitch: arrogant, unfeeling and frankly the kind of person you’d throw a chair at. That happened, too, and there were lots of other moments that I force myself to remember so I will never be that person again. It took a while after that to understand that a) it takes two people to start a fight and b) you have a responsibility every time you open your mouth, but I think I’m getting the hang of it now. At least, I hope I am.
There are still moments, sadly, but I digress.
People write Blogs for lots of different reasons: for me, a lot of the time, this is therapy. It’s the glue that holds me together on difficult days, the means by which I can pull myself through to bed and to start again tomorrow. I feel confident writing about Warcraft because I think I know enough about it to be able to have a conversation without sounding totally clueless. I’ll never be a Hardcore Raider, but I can do the Crafting and the Travelling pretty well. The collecting’s fun too, and appeals to my sense of order.
When you press the ‘Publish’ button, you have to feel happy that what you’re saying is what you really want to punt into Cyberspace, because once it’s out there it’s very hard to get it back. You deliberately create a chronology that, for better or worse, becomes part of what you are as a writer. Do you really want to diss that fellow Hunter’s choice of Pet? Is it wise to start criticising how that Guild conducts itself? I work on one simple principle when I write: I only know what’s going on in my own head. Sometimes even that’s not a given, but I am NEVER going to start trying to second guess anyone else’s reasoning or actions because I can’t. I’ll never have all the facts. You can dissect written arguments for a lifetime but the fact remains: sometimes those words are not enough. People do stuff, for better or worse, that sometimes defies explanation, and when that happens all you can do is hope that common sense will out, that they will arrive at the correct conclusion themselves.
As to what ‘the correct conclusion’ might be… your choice. Never forget that.
You should your own best judge of what is right and wrong. If you think something makes you sound a particular way and that’s not what you are aiming for then there’s a good chance you’re better off just not pressing ‘Publish’ to begin with. I’ve lost count of the number of ranty posts I could have made concerning Guild Drama over the years but when it comes down to it I have always stopped, taken a breath and decided that the correct conclusion for me is to just not say it. The same goes for moaning about people not reading or blowing my own trumpet: if I think I’m overdoing it, I just step back and remind myself of the simple truth. You do this for yourself. You write here to make yourself happy. Don’t look like your younger self.
The problem comes, of course, with the fact that many people in the World dictate that for TRUE validation people need to tell you how good you are. That’s why there are World Champions, why people fight and compete for Medals and Awards. Without someone else saying ‘you’re great, you can say what you want’ there’s a point where some might argue it becomes pointless, and yes, I get that. However, at the end of it all validation is not about other people. I believe I get one turn at life, and once that’s done, there’s no second spin of the wheel. When all is said and done, you’re the one living this, not everyone else. You need to feel safe and comfortable in your skin. You need to feel what you do is important. The only real way to happiness starts inside yourself.
If you are comfortable writing those words, press ‘Publish’, and don’t be afraid of what the World will say. If you never say anything, trust me, your life will be so much less than it could be.
Press the button :D